champions.

It's like when...

people start a conversation with, " I just don't know how in the world you are single?" My reaction typically the same as I smile in return and shake my head.  They stare at me wide-eyed and waiting for some grand answer. I am often confused as to what they are wanting to hear. Was I supposed to feel complimented by that or slightly offset that you think because I am so great I should automatically be in a relationship. Did you want me to say thank you? Or were you trying to feed me new information; because I already know I am single -- and awesome. Note taken.

I usually tell them I am crazy. Or that there is just so much awesome in me, one man could not handle it. But mostly I just laugh it off, knowing their intentions are good and their hearts are in the right place.

And it's no surprise there is a whole culture around single men and women, propelling itself each day as more media and dating apps are thrown our way. Rules and lists and articles of the do's and don'ts. A blog on waiting for Mr. Right or being an independent woman. I think I was supposed to kiss dating goodbye and wait for someone to knock on my door but I live in a gated apartment. (do I give out my security code just in case?) I feel like I should be doing more and striving less. Acting cool and from what I hear "men love bitches," but do they? I don't.

So. many. things.

And lets just take a moment for all the brave ones who week in and week out go on dates. Ask each other out. Be courageous and put themselves out there. Opening themselves up to rejection and quite possibly love. I celebrate those people because for so long I was not one of those people. It was easier to hide behind a screen or a past relationship. Anything to keep me from being relational.

It all felt like work, a lot of work, after a long day of work.

But at the beginning of this year something started to move in my heart. I started to hear peoples stories differently and read blogs and articles with this keen awareness to bring back the FUN, the courage, the awkward attempts that make a story great. I was being opened up to desiring community among the people that shared a commonality with me; singleness. Not so we could label ourselves but empower ourselves.

Which lead me to this post, this new adventure. I live in a city full of AMAZING, talented, creative, inspiring people. And a lot of them happen to be new to town or single. So I decided to start something. Anything to connect them to each other. I did't know what it would be and for the most part I am still figuring it out. But what I do know is that, I am living it and taking notes. Taking notes because I am an example of what I want to create for my friends, for my community, for myself.

I am that girl sitting at the coffee shop. The one who spots the cute boy and does nothing but daydream about having the courage to go up to him and give him my number.  I would tell my girlfriend to go for it. To just do it. Nike style, go up to him and just give him her number. But take my own advice? Yikes, that is a different story. I would need some extra courage. Which is exactly why I am starting my business -- and in the process taking my own advice.

We can champion for our friends so easily. Now lets champion for ourselves. And know when we do, we are not alone. Maybe that guy(girl) at the coffee shop is trying to muster up the same courage to give you their number. You never know....that is until you just do it. 

_________________________________________________________________________________


Stay tuned for more details on Catch & Release, launching late summer of 2015. Check out my IG @tillielopez for more details on upcoming Stranger Danger parties.

No Strangers, No Danger

Hi there good looking, I'm Tillie. Maybe we have met before, maybe this is the first time. If so, I'm delighted you are reading this. This past year has been full of surprises for me. After 27 years of navigating (un)healthy relationships and being single I have come to a place in my life where I feel called to speak up about my journey. To stand for others who are also navigating what it is like to be single in their life. Which is what my last post was about: why I am starting a business and what inspired it all.

We were created to be in community with others, connect face to face, be in relationship. I want to look at someone and see their reaction as they turn bright red, or frown, or light up in delight. These are emotions I can't see when I am texting someone or swiping right. And not that swiping right is "bad" or "good," I just wanted to create a different platform for myself and my friends to meet other amazing people. My friend Rachel shared with me about a party she hosted in Chicago and suggested I do the same here in Nashville.  After the first two parties I feel so encouraged to continue creating this opportunity for people to come together, face to face, once a month and hang out.

I get the question a lot, "what is Stranger Danger?", "are you starting a dating service?", "I don't understand what you are doing and that's just not my thing." Great, my motto in life is I can't be everyones cup of tea. And well Stranger Danger may not be everyone's favorite way to meet people and that is okay too. But I wanted to comfort you all and share what Stranger Danger entails. My hope is that if you or a single friend reads this, they will be encouraged to come to the next Stranger Danger party and join in on the fun!

The Set-Up:

BYOF (Bring your own friend) You are single & you bring a single friend. It's all friends of friends. Get it? No Strangers = no danger.

Why:

To connect with other people who share a commonality with you -- being single. And to have FUN while doing it. We don't take ourselves too seriously here.

Who Will You Meet:

Whether you come to expand your circle of single friends, meet a potential hottie or heck, even perfect your practice of flirting. Anything is possible. There is a lot of "2 degrees of separation," and friends of friends. And by the end of the night if you didn't know someone coming into it, you will walk away with a community of people who are in the same boat and who are looking to have a good time.

Courage Cards: 

Sometimes we just need permission to be brave. And be brave together. Courage Cards are there to help you make the first move. Putting yourself and your number out there is highly encouraged and scary as hell. Hence why we have a shot station! ;) But when everyone is doing it, it's a little less intimidating.

There are no planned games or icebreakers. Just music, good times and cookies. Lots of cookies. So my hope is, is that you share this with a friend. Maybe they just moved to town and need friends, or all their friends are married and they are looking for new single guys and gals to hang with. Maybe they are like me and just waiting for that moment to give a guy their number and him actually call. Whatever the reason, I will be hosting one every month in support of launching my new business, Catch & Release, in late summer 2015. Hope to see all my (single) Nashville people there!!

Follow me @tillielopez on IG for more party and Catch & Release details or email me at megan.t.lopez@gmail.com to get on the invite list! **The location is different each time**

GO BE BRAVE. #thefirstmove

write anyways.

I sat at my piano today. My fingers pounded over the same four chords. Something about the progression invited me in. I found myself with lyrics at the tip of my tongue as if they had been there waiting for me. Honest words that carried the depth of the story they told -- I was taken back at my own reaction.

These are the times I feel myself come alive. The deepest parts of me shaken, dusted off, and uncovered. Words that reveal the place I don't want people to see or know. But I write anyways. Because it is a part of me I get to share with others. It is what I can give to this world; my words and half hearted attempt at vulnerability.

A beautiful friend and poet told me the other day, "you might be the worst writer in the world or the best writer in the world but at least you will have evidence of it." 

So here is my evidence. Just like my songs -- heart to keyboard, keyboard to you.

Not sure I have anything worth reading but what I do know is I have a vision. A vision for each of us to dream big, live full, and be free of judgement. To share what inspires us, what we love, and who we truly are. To remember what it means to love each other and not just like a whole bunch of stuff. 

I could give you a nice photo of myself, a stellar sounding bio, interesting photos and a make my life seem really cool from where you are sitting. We all could and most of us do, myself included. But I am not here to prove anything, especially my coolness factor. And I am letting go of how many people actually "like" anything I do. 

I am writing to feel alive. To awake the parts of me that are often silenced by doubt and self judgement. 

Because I believe my doubts and self judgement will always be the opposition of putting myself out there.

But I need more evidence, so I will write anyways.

(grace)fully letting go.

They say endings give way to beautiful new beginnings. But what if that new beginning is hard? That gravel before the pavement. And I, stumbling along...holding out for level ground. Unable to find it in narrow my view. I find myself amid the friction between my fears and my desires. Because I am not sure how to fully let go. And to do so gracefully at that. 

I’m a visual person and often paint my words into images. 

I close my eyes to imagine grace. The vastness of a wide open field. Flowing hair in the wind, and soft touches of a Savior. The kind that comes to you in the middle of a sweet moment. But what about the grace that hurts? The kind of grace disguised in pain, with little thought of its origin. Only to be brought to light by the reflection of the God who covered us deeply with it. 

Jesus suffering on the cross, the greatest sacrifice of all — is our saving grace. No hair blowing in the wind. Just pierced hands and pierced feet, hanging on the cross. 

I am humbled at the obscurity of my idea of grace. And at the same time comforted in knowing that I am at home in my pain. 

Because when it hurts, it hurts and I am confident that is just where my sweet savior meets me. In those deep hidden places I often forget exist until I am still enough to feel them. Feel that the soft touch I crave, sometimes comes in the form of a firm hand. Just like a father would do to his child, knowing what the child does not. My father’s no has seemed like my death. But maybe it is his very no that is my life-giving yes. My glimpse into grace.

In His no, I am reconciled to new life. 

When I reflect upon all the Lord has done with me and for me, I find no bounds. I can’t seem to express every tiny moment. Nor would you want me to. It is only when I fix my eyes vertically I can begin to share who my Lord is. Who he says He is through the mercy of His holy spirit. There is no need to know how to let go gracefully — it just happens.

So when His no becomes more apparent and my fists clench tighter, resisting; His grace deepens. And I fall deeper in love. For all He is. Even the parts I have yet to discover.

My hope is that we can look at each other’s stories and not find ourselves among them but find our Savior. Our common ground is Him. I do not have any radical new way of thinking or theology. Just a story, still being written. A story of finding grace in the most ungraceful places of learning to let go — fully.